Finding Mother Read online

  ‘I’d better be going, I’ve more patients to see, Hélène. I’ll call in tomorrow afternoon.’

  Hélène thanked Ben and Nicole walked him to his car.

  As he kissed her, she said, ‘I need to go to England for a couple of days to see my solicitor and pack my stuff in the house. Should I go soon?’

  ‘There’s no imminent danger, but if you go this week that might be better. Then you needn’t worry so much. I can give her drugs to boost her heart but they only work short term. And the wedding should take place within the month, to be on the safe side.’ He stroked her hair and lifted up her chin. ‘Will you need to see Tom? I’m worried how he would react.’

  ‘No, I don’t think so. I’ll arrange to visit the house when he’s at work. And he made it clear he didn’t want us to meet.’ She sighed. ‘I’ll make an appointment with my solicitor and book my flights. Oh, I’ll miss you!’

  ‘And I you. How about I take you out for dinner tomorrow night? And you can stay over, if you’re good,’ he grinned at her.

  ‘Oh, I’ll be good!’

  ***

  Hélène phoned Adrian with the news and he came straight round. Nicole disappeared to her room to give them space. They sat out on the terrace discussing what to do.

  ‘I’ve been in to see Mother and told her that I know. She seems calm and accepting, so that’s something.’ She stroked her engagement ring. ‘Mother’s made it clear she wants to be at our wedding, even if it means arriving on a stretcher!’ She couldn’t resist a smile at the image of her mother being wheeled into Saint Philippe’s on a gurney. ‘Not sure the vicar would be impressed, so we’ll aim for a wheelchair. Do you mind very much having the wedding soon, Adrian?’

  He wrapped his arms round her.

  ‘I’d be very happy to make you my wife tomorrow if it were possible. We’ll need a licence so I’ll talk to the vicar today. It’s not as if we’d planned to invite people from off the island, so it’ll be fine. Everyone’s already here.’

  Hélène had a thought. Nicole’s adoptive parents! Would they want to come to her wedding? She knew they were planning a visit in August so…

  ‘What about Mary and Ian Le Clerq? Should we ask them?’

  ‘Of course! The more the merrier! And we owe them a debt of gratitude for how they’ve taken care of our – their – daughter.’ He stroked her face. ‘Are you worried about what they’ll think about you? For giving her up for adoption?’

  Hélène had thought of little else since she knew their visit was imminent. Would they judge her or accept that she had made the decision with the best of intentions, even though her heart was breaking?

  She nodded.

  ‘Well, I think you’ve nothing to worry about. From what Nicole’s told me, they sound very nice, and very grateful. Thanks to your sacrifice they had the child they yearned for so, in my book, they owe you. But they could be critical of me, the adulterous husband,’ he frowned.

  ‘You’re more than making up for that now. So don’t worry!’ Hélène patted his arm. ‘Seems both of us are a bit scared of the Le Clerqs. It’s like being back at school!’

  They both laughed, the hovering black cloud receding a little. After spending a few minutes discussing who needed to do what, Adrian left to see the vicar.

  The next morning Nicole fixed an appointment with her solicitor for that Thursday and booked her flights. Leaving on Wednesday mid-morning, she would return early Friday evening. She felt this gave her plenty of time to sort and pack her personal possessions. She’d emailed Tom the short list of furniture she wanted and he’d agreed to her selection. She didn’t want much, preferring a fresh start, devoid of memories. Hélène was pressing her to stay at La Folie until after her divorce.

  ‘After we’re married Adrian and I will live here while Mother’s still…with us.’ Hélène bit her lips. ‘Then we’ll move to his house. I’ll put this place on the market but I can’t think there’ll be people queuing up to buy. You could stay here while you see how it goes with Ben, you’ll have your own space when you want it. Although I imagine you’ll spend more time at his house,’ she said, raising her eyebrows.

  Nicole’s cheeks warmed.

  ‘That’s kind of you, Hélène. I had planned to rent somewhere so I’d be happy to pay the running costs…’

  Hélène shook her head.

  ‘No, I wouldn’t hear of it. And Adrian agrees with me, it’s the least we can do to provide a roof over your head until your life settles down. The only downside is that you’ll have a bit of a trek to work every day. So, bearing that in mind, the sooner you and Ben get together properly, the better. It’d be much quicker from Town to Bulwer Avenue!’

  ‘Amen to that!’ Nicole giggled.

  Nicole was to store her possessions at La Folie, making it easier for her to hang on to items of sentimental value and the odd bits of furniture. She’d surprised herself by how much she did want, but over the years she’d amassed an eclectic collection of items; prints and water-colours; mementoes from foreign holidays, including beautiful Murano glass and Mediterranean pottery; a small library and a couple of pieces of furniture. And the clothes! She’d had to look stylish, reflected in her extensive wardrobe. Thinking about her clothes reminded her that she needed something suitable for her imminent role of Matron of Honour. Hélène, admitting that it was a not entirely appropriate title for a soon-to-be divorcee, acting for her own never-been-married mother, but she could hardly be a bridesmaid, could she? Smiling at the thought, Nicole remembered that she’d bought a striking deep green silk dress just before the bust-up with Tom and it was still hanging, unworn, in her wardrobe. Perfect!

  The date was set for Saturday 25th August, slightly over three weeks away. The vicar, admitting that they were not exactly overrun with weddings, had agreed on a one o’clock service and approved the requisite Common Licence, avoiding the need for Banns. Nicole crossed her fingers that her grandmother would live to play the part of Mother of the Bride.

  chapter 34

  As her plane approached Bristol airport Nicole craned her neck, searching the landscape beneath for her marital home. She knew where to look as it had always given her a buzz to spot it about the time the landing gear dropped down. There it was! The sun reflected off the red tiled roof and she could just make out the pond surrounded by shrubs. In a flash it was gone. She sighed. It was going to be hard to say goodbye, in spite of the promise of what might be in her new life. It helped that Tom couldn’t waylay her, something she’d dreaded. As luck would have it he was away, sunning himself on some foreign beach and probably, she guessed, not alone. The thought didn’t upset her the way it would have done only weeks ago. No matter what happened between her and Ben, she was cured of Tom.

  Picking up her hire car she set off towards Bath. It was a treat to drive on wide, fast roads after the restrictions of Guernsey and she enjoyed the familiar roads leading home. Or what had been home for the past seven years.

  Nicole pulled into the circular drive, parking in her usual spot next to the central island covered in rocks, heathers and alpine plants. Getting out, she looked around her. Nothing had changed. What she could see of the garden looked well-groomed so at least the gardener was still coming in. She’d half expected to see a wilderness. Taking a deep breath she headed to the front door, the original battered oak salvaged during the renovation. As she stepped into the hall, Nicole retrieved the mail on the mat and walked through to the kitchen. Her pride and joy. She sighed in relief as her eyes swept over the immaculate worktops and shiny Aga. Tom had obviously kept the cleaner, too. She put the kettle on the Aga before putting away the few supplies she’d bought for her stay.

  Without warning, she was hit by the memory of that last time when she and Tom were in the kitchen, and she’d asked him to leave. The marriage was over. Nicole slumped onto a chair. Threads of ghost-like memories wove through her mind and she had no choice but to let them. The past needed to be exorcised, so si
tting with her eyes closed she focused hard on a technique she recalled from an interview with a psychotherapist. She visualised the memories, and the emotions they evoked, pouring into a big bin liner and throwing it away over a cliff. After a few moments she opened her eyes, feeling calmer.

  Cradling her coffee, she made her way through to the sitting room. Again, it looked immaculate. So much so that she began to wonder if Tom still lived here. Pulling out her list, she checked off items as she studied the room. The sunny yellow walls were covered in pictures and photos, some of which were on her “approved” list. Tom had indicated that she could add the odd item she might have forgotten to put on it. She briefly imagined his reaction if she hired a van and cleared the house completely. Not likely to be a happy bunny!

  She finished her coffee and began her tour of the house, list in hand. The dining room held nothing she wanted except a deep blue Lalique bowl in pride of place on the oak dining table. Her study held most of her favourite objets d’art together with her collection of books and her PC. The cream leather chair, chosen for its comfort as well as good looks, was already on her list, together with the antique partners desk. She scribbled a couple of additions before going upstairs.

  Pausing on the threshold of the master bedroom, Nicole breathed deeply and pushed open the door. Neatness reigned but her heart hammered loudly in her chest as she scanned the room. Trying not to think about the nights she’d spent entwined in Tom’s arms, she quickly checked that all her clothes and accessories were still waiting for her in the walk-in wardrobe. Her jewellery had its own fitted drawer and she pulled it out slowly. All there. Most of it had been gifts from Tom, layered with bitter-sweet memories. Her fingers trailed over the most expensive piece, a stunning Cartier necklace of pink gold orchids studded with diamonds. Her favourite. A present for their fifth anniversary, Tom had later bought the matching earrings for her birthday that year. Biting her lips she wondered if she could wear them again. Of course you can! Grow up, girl, it was given and received with love. And it will set off the green silk dress perfectly. She closed the drawer and looked along the rails of clothes waiting to be rescued and worn again. Sliding the green silk out of the protective polythene, she held it against her and gazed at her reflection in the mirror. Yes, it would be perfect for the wedding. She’d just need to find something for her hair. A matching silk flower, perhaps? Realising that this wasn’t the time to plan her outfit, Nicole checked the other three bedrooms before returning downstairs. As she made a sandwich for lunch, the doorbell rang.

  ‘Mrs Oxford? I’ve been asked to drop off these boxes to you. I believe you’re having them collected on Friday afternoon with some furniture for delivery to Guernsey.’

  The removal man pointed to a stack of folded boxes and cardboard hanging wardrobes. And a big roll of bubble-wrap and sealing tape.

  ‘Thank you. That’s right, if you could call back at three o’clock on Friday, please.’

  ‘No problem. I’ll carry them in for you.’

  After stacking them in the dining room he left and Nicole returned to the kitchen to eat her lunch before starting on the packing.

  It was late when she finally called it a day and crawled upstairs to bed. In one of the guest rooms. She’d never slept in it so it held no memories, except that Tom had been banished there when she’d discovered his wayward behaviour. As she snuggled under the duvet she fell asleep quickly. But not peacefully. Images filled her mind. Tom was chasing her around the garden in the middle of the night while she ran away in panic. As he was about to catch up with her she fell headlong into the pond and woke up gasping for breath. Switching on the light she felt relieved to see there was no-one there but went over to the window to check outside. Moonlight cast an eerie glow over the trees and shrubs and turned the pond silver. Craning her neck, she couldn’t see anyone out there. It was only a bad dream. Taking deep breaths to calm herself, Nicole pulled the covers over her and after a restless half hour, fell asleep.

  Waking the next morning Nicole’s remembered bits of the dream and shuddered. I’m too uptight, I’d better take something tonight to knock me out. The sooner I get out of here the better. She was also pretty fed up of packing boxes, particularly with books. It made her smile to think that the appointment with her solicitor would provide a welcome respite. She’d been tempted to pop into the TV station but decided against it. There’d be questions she didn’t feel ready to answer yet. If she had to return for some reason, maybe…The compromise was having lunch with a friend with whom she’d worked years ago. Not close, but good company.

  Her appointment was at eleven o’clock and at ten forty-five Nicole pulled into the NCP car park in Prince Street. From here it was five minutes’ walk to the solicitor’s office. An elegant woman, slightly older than herself, shook hands before wasting no time in getting down to business. For this Nicole was glad, she wanted to answer the questions, sign the forms and leave.

  An hour later, feeling relieved of a burden, Nicole emerged from the office and stood facing the river. Her next destination lay on the opposite bank of the historic harbourside. A few minutes later she had walked round behind the ferry landing and arrived outside The Watershed. A popular cultural centre showcasing various visual arts, it had long been a favourite of hers. It also ran a great café/bar.

  Penny, hair sticking out in all directions and wearing clashing colours of red and orange, ran up to her, panting.

  ‘Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time,’ she puffed.

  ‘You’re fine. And it’s so lovely to see you again.’

  They hugged and headed inside to the lofty open-plan café.

  Penny had worked with Nicole at the radio station and was always good for a laugh. A bit ditzy, as evidenced by her late arrival and appearance, she made a refreshing change from the aggressively-ambitious colleagues Nicole had been used to in television. It wasn’t long before Penny had Nicole laughing at her latest mishap at work. A studio technician, Penny had accidentally left a live microphone switched on when a presenter, thinking he was off air, had blurted out what he really thought about his producer.

  Nicole, remembering the people involved, thought it was hilarious. The producer, apparently, didn’t.

  Penny sighed.

  ‘I’m not actually sure if I still have a job, but how was I to know the idiot would sound off like that? God, I could do with a drink!’

  ‘Me too! Shall we order the fish and chips and bottles of lager? I always loved that combo.’

  A calmer Penny waved goodbye to Nicole after their catch-up lunch. Nicole smiled broadly as she reclaimed her steps to the car park. Penny had proved a bright relief to the solicitor and the relentless packing. Now it was back to the grindstone!

  After a, thankfully, undisturbed night, Nicole packed a few more boxes before taking a break in the garden. Alert to her new role as garden planner for Ben, she studied her own with more attention than usual. She didn’t know the names of many of the plants but she appreciated the beauty of partnering certain colours for the greatest effect. Green setting off red, yellow next to blue. She made notes as she walked, planning to ask Hélène for help with the names of plants. Sitting on the bench by the pond, she closed her eyes for a moment. It occurred to her that until recently, she’d never spent much time actually sitting in a garden, drinking in the peace while serenaded by birdsong. Gardens had been to look at, or to socialise in, not to relax in and enjoy as an escape from a busy world. Nicole felt pleased that Ben had a garden that could provide a space to chill out in. Once it no longer looked like no-man’s-land! Her own life had been lived at full tilt and little time had been spent at home except to eat and sleep. It would be different from now on, she vowed. Time to smell the roses!

  Opening her eyes, she sat for a moment mesmerised by the goldfish swimming in the pond, in and out of the rushes and the lily pads. Adding “pond with fish” to her notes she stood up with a groan. Oh, my back! Thank goodness I’ve nearly fini
shed that dratted packing. Rubbing her aching muscles she returned to the house to finish the last couple of boxes.

  A large removal van turned up at three o’clock and the driver and his mate quickly loaded up the boxes and furniture. Nicole signed the forms and watched as her possessions were driven away. Luckily a Bath family were moving to Guernsey that weekend and her small load had been added to theirs; she would be reunited with her boxes on Monday.

  It wasn’t easy making a last tour of the house. Memories continued to jump out at her when she least expected, threatening to overwhelm her. It was horrid to say goodbye to the place she’d loved but she also felt relief that she had accomplished what she’d set out to do. She wouldn’t need to return. Biting her lips, she locked the front door, dropping the key through the letterbox. Then, without a backward glance, she drove off.

  chapter 35

  Nicole was pleased to hear that Eve was a little stronger, even getting out of bed a couple of times while she’d been away.

  ‘You can look in on her if you like, the carer’s made her ready for bed but she’s awake. I’m sure she’d love to see you,’ Hélène smiled.

  Leaving her case in the hall, Nicole headed for Eve’s bedroom.

  ‘Nicole! I’m glad you’re back. Come and tell me how it went,’ Eve patted the bed beside her and Nicole sat down. Her grandmother’s face had regained some colour and her eyes looked brighter. She smiled with relief before regaling Eve with details of her trip.

  Eve relaxed against the pillows.

  ‘Well, that all sounds good, my dear. You can relax a bit now and help your mother prepare for her wedding.’ She chuckled. ‘You know, I never expected to see my daughter marry, certainly not at this age! She looked set for spinsterhood. And I understand you’re to be the Matron of Honour! Something else I couldn’t have dreamed of.’