Finding Mother Read online

  She laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I know what you mean. Your work must be very stressful, especially if your patients are unlikely to recover. I couldn’t do what you do.’ She bent to pick up a delicate pink shell, turning it over in her hand. ‘Did you always want to be a doctor?’

  ‘Yes, since I was a boy. It runs in the family, you see. Both my father and grandfather were doctors. Dad only retired a few years ago and I took his place in the practice.’ He caught her hand again as they headed for the rocks.

  ‘We’re unusual in being a family of doctors. Quite a few come over on licence from the UK. Is it the same in Jersey?’

  Nicole nodded, enjoying the warmth of his hand in hers. A caring hand.

  ‘You didn’t want to be a surgeon or a specialist?’

  Ben shook his head.

  ‘Not a surgeon, no. For a while I did consider becoming a paediatrician as I love children. But there’s so much more variety in a GP’s work.’

  Reaching the rocks, he guided her to the nearest pool. The sun’s rays on the water made it sparkle like diamonds. As they bent down to watch the antics of tiny fish and shore crabs, their heads touched.

  ‘Sorry…’ Nicole began, but as their eyes locked he kissed her. For a moment they remained crouched on the rocks, locked in the kiss. Oh, that was nice!

  ‘Look, I'm sorry, Nicole, I hadn’t meant to…I mean I thought we could just be friends. You’re married…’

  ‘Separated. And I can’t see us getting back together.’ Her heart sank. Friends! With that electricity…

  Ben frowned.

  ‘That’s as maybe but I don’t want to risk falling for you in case you suddenly up sticks and go back to him.’ He let go her hand and moved away slightly. Not looking at her. ‘I…I had that happen to me before. She was English, here on a licence, and suddenly she went back to a boyfriend in London.’

  As he glanced up she saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Ben. I can understand how you feel. It’s horrible to be rejected isn’t it? I felt like that when my…husband Tom was unfaithful. Several times.’ She reached out and clasped his hand. ‘Come on, shall we go and have that drink you promised me and have a proper talk?’

  Ben nodded and helped her over the rocks.

  A few minutes later Nicole found herself sitting at a small table facing the beach while Ben went inside to buy drinks. Unbidden, the memory of her first date with Tom popped into her head. It had been on a summer’s evening at a riverside pub in Bristol, so shared uncomfortable similarities. Nicole shook her head as if it would erase the memory. She didn’t want to go there. That was the past…

  Ben returned and they sat for a moment watching the sun slowly sink towards the horizon. Hues of reds and golds spread across the sky, bathing everything with a golden tint.

  ‘Do you feel like telling me a bit about yourself, Nicole? Your adopted family and your…husband?’

  She described her parents and childhood in Jersey and told him, briefly, about Tom and how they became a couple. Ben seemed to listen intently, asking her the odd question.

  ‘Right, enough about me. What about you, Ben? Your family?’ Nicole grinned at him over the rim of her glass.

  ‘Just one sister. My father’s a retired GP and my mother was a nurse. A bit of a cliché, that,’ he said, grinning. ‘They’ve had a good marriage and spent their lives here. Something I’d like for myself.’

  ‘How long’s it been since the bolting girlfriend?’

  ‘Three years. I got over her ages ago but I’ve been too busy doing up my house to socialise except with old friends. I…wasn’t too keen on dating.’

  ‘Mm. It’s only been a few months since Tom and I split up and it’s been hard. Although you can’t just stop loving someone ’cos they behaved badly, it does make it difficult to think of going back. I’m sure he’s psychologically wired to be unfaithful and I can’t deal with that anymore.’ She gazed down at her drink, lost in thought.

  Ben reached for her hand.

  ‘Perhaps it’s time I ventured out into the water again. They do say there’s plenty of fish in the sea!’

  She looked up and saw his tentative smile.

  ‘Maybe you should. After all, you’re surrounded by it!’ Giggling, she waved her hand towards the sea and he laughed.

  ‘Okay, tell me more. You mentioned a house. Where is it and have you finished working on it?’

  ‘In Town, not far from the surgery. It was badly in need of renovation and I’ve spent the past couple of years working on it and it’s nowhere near finished. It’s been a slow process as I’m trying to do as much as I can myself. Used to be good at woodwork when I was at school,’ he grinned.

  ‘Mm, just as well you’re not a surgeon or you could ruin your hands. We had builders in to do ours as neither of us had the time or skills to have a go. But I do like choosing the finishing touches, making a place a home.’ She felt a pang of sadness as she pictured the lovely farmhouse left behind. Mentally shaking herself, she smiled at Ben.

  ‘So, apart from DIY, which to me sounds like hard work and not leisure, how do you relax?’

  ‘I surf and join up with friends when they take their boats out. There’s usually something going on, particularly in the summer. Barbecues, island hopping and meeting up for meals or drinks. And I do love travelling, though I’m not finding it as much fun on my own.’ He twirled the lager in the glass before adding, ‘When I was with Pauline we took several holidays together. But haven’t been away much since,’ he grinned ruefully. ‘Most of my friends are married or in relationships so I travel solo.’ Ben looked up, asking, ‘What about you? Any hobbies or interests?’

  ‘Like most islanders I’ve always been a water baby, but prefer the warmer seas of the Med or Pacific. I’ve travelled to lots of fantastic places around the world, but never on my own.’ She sighed. ‘I’m with you on that one, it’s more fun to be with someone.’ Unless it’s an adulterous husband, she thought. Glancing across at Ben, Nicole imagined what it would be like to jet off with him to a faraway place. Stop it! She chided herself. It’s too soon to think like that. You’ve only just met and you’re still married, for God’s sake! Clearing her throat, she continued, ‘I’ve not had much time for hobbies but I do read a lot and enjoy going to the theatre and cinema. And walking. I aim to walk along the cliff paths while I’m here as the views are brilliant.’

  Ben looked thoughtful, as if he was weighing something up.

  ‘I’m going over to Herm with friends a week on Friday. They’re renting a cottage for the week but I’m only staying until Sunday evening. If you’d like to come over for the day, you’d be welcome to join us. I’m sure you’d all get on.’

  Nicole didn’t hesitate. ‘I’d love to, thanks. I was planning to pop over sometime as it’s the only island I’ve not visited.’

  ‘Great! We’re going across in Nick’s boat on the Friday evening. So, how about joining us on the Saturday? Bring your bathers as we’ll be heading to a beach at some point. Nick’s wife will be there so you won’t be the only female, and there’s another single guy. We’ll have a lot of fun, I promise.’

  ‘I look forward to it.’

  As the sun melted into the horizon with a flash of gold, Nicole felt her heart lift. In a little over a week she was going to spend a whole day with the gorgeous doctor on a tiny island. Okay, there’d be other people around, but still…

  chapter 23

  ‘It’s good to see you again, Nicole. What would you like to drink?’

  Adrian sat opposite her in the garden of the old inn in Kings Mills, a large parasol protecting them from the sun.

  ‘A spritzer, please.’

  The waitress took their order and after she left Nicole said, ‘It looks like you’ve made your peace with Hélène. I’m glad. Now it’s up to us.’

  Adrian took a deep breath. He knew he still had to win her over, encourage her to forgive him. Even
Hélène was unsure, still playing it cool with him. But she’d agreed to go for a walk this afternoon. So there was hope.

  ‘We’re treading on egg shells a little and I wouldn’t say I’ve yet “made my peace” but at least we’re talking.’

  ‘Did she tell you that Grandmother’s agreed to go into respite care for a week?’

  He nodded. ‘Yes, Hélène’s thrilled. She told me when I phoned this morning. I think she plans to go to France for a few days.’

  ‘Yes. It’s a pity you can’t go together.’ Nicole looked him in the eye.

  He shifted in his chair. ‘It’s too soon to think of that. We…we don’t have that kind of relationship. Yet.’

  ‘Well, you could go as friends, having separate rooms. Just a thought.’ Nicole sipped her wine, her face inscrutable.

  ‘That would be up to Hélène!’ He thought it a great idea but…Wanting to change the subject, he went on, ‘Now, your mother’s told me something about you, but I’d really like you to fill in the details.’

  They ordered their food and Nicole talked about her childhood, university, work and meeting Tom. He frowned as she arrived at the current state of her marriage and felt his own guilt surface as she described her pain on finding out Tom was cheating on her. He also, paradoxically, found his hackles rise in her defence. It made for an odd sensation.

  He encouraged her to talk about her work as a radio and TV reporter and she seemed to unbend, recounting amusing anecdotes.

  As they were drinking their coffees, Adrian pushed his hand through his hair.

  ‘I’m going to tell my children about you and Hélène. Won’t be easy as Karen, in particular, was close to her mother.’ He sighed. Karen’s temper was as volatile as Carol’s had been and their relationship was fraught at the best of times.

  ‘Hélène said that Karen’s married and has a child. So you’re a grandfather.’

  Adrian smiled. ‘Yes, Luke’s a great little chap, just turned two. Always laughing. Takes after his father, Dave, a high flying advocate with a dry sense of humour. My son, Michael, doesn’t seem ready to settle down yet. Enjoys the social life too much to give it up.’ He smiled fondly. ‘I think he’ll be a bit more accepting of you both. I’d like us all to meet up if my kids are agreeable. Unless you have a problem with that?’

  ‘No, of course not. After all they’re my only siblings.’

  He walked Nicole to her car and gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. She seemed to have mellowed a little towards him as she didn’t push him away. But her eyes told him that he hadn’t quite won her over. Not yet.

  That evening Adrian handed out drinks to Karen and Michael before pouring himself a double Scotch. He needed it. They’d been surprised to be invited round for a drink, just the two of them, he’d said on the phone; he had something important to discuss. Dave was babysitting Luke.

  As they looked at him expectantly, doubt set in. Then he remembered Hélène’s face and his confidence returned.

  ‘This is going to come as a shock and there’s no easy way to say this, but I had an affair over thirty years ago and…and we had a daughter.’

  ‘What! You cheated on my mother! How could you!’ Karen’s face reddened with anger. She jumped up from the chair, nearly spilling her wine, and paced around the coffee table before coming to rest inches from him. He stood up and glanced towards Michael, who although pale, remained quiet.

  ‘If you’d let me explain – ’

  ‘Explain? What is there to explain? You were having it off with some trollop while – ’

  Adrian butted in ‘While your mother was making my life hell! We weren’t getting on and hadn’t slept together since Michael was born. Although she professed to love me she certainly didn’t behave as if she did. And…and I’d stopped loving her. I’m sorry, but it’s true. And Hélène was no trollop!’ He saw the angry tears falling down her face as she looked at him in disgust.

  ‘Michael?’

  His son stood up and walked towards him.

  ‘I’d guessed that you were unhappy, Dad. In fact, it was pretty obvious.’ He glanced towards his sister. ‘You never went anywhere together and you spent most of your time in your study. Did…did Mum know about your affair?’

  Adrian shook his head. ‘Not to begin with. Not until I asked her for a divorce…’ Karen gasped and spat out ‘How could you?’

  ‘I was in love with Hélène and wanted to be with her, but your mother wouldn’t agree to either a divorce or separation. So I…I ended my relationship. Hélène had just told me she was pregnant and I…I knew I couldn’t be with her.’ He looked at his children, Michael still pale but calm and Karen, red-faced and tearful.

  Michael spoke. ‘So, what happened to the baby, our…our sister?’

  ‘She was adopted. I didn’t even know it had been a girl until recently.’ He took a deep breath. Crunch time. ‘She turned up in Guernsey a few weeks ago, after searching for her mother. And then…then we met.’

  ‘You’ve met her? Your bastard?’ Karen spat.

  Adrian felt himself flush at the word. ‘Yes, her name’s Nicole and she was adopted by a Jersey couple. I found her to be a lovely young woman. I think you’d like her –’

  ‘Huh! If you think I’m going to meet your –’

  ‘Daughter, she’s my daughter as much as you are, Karen.’ He said gently, hoping to diffuse the situation. ‘I want you to realise that I’m not blaming your mother for what happened between us. She was a good mother to you both and I wouldn’t have wished her to get sick. But our marriage had been over for years and I hope that you’ll give me credit for nursing her while she was ill.’ Adrian felt drained. Karen was reacting as he’d known she would and he didn’t know what more to say.

  ‘Are you saying that you didn’t stay in touch with this Hélène while Mum was alive?’ asked Michael.

  ‘No, after I ended it, she refused to have any contact with me. It’s only since Nicole turned up that we’ve talked and met up. She’s never married and we’re…trying to be friends.’ There, he’d said it now.

  Michael reached out and gave his father a hug. ‘I’d wondered why you looked happier these days, Dad. Go for it, that’s what I say.’ He grinned.

  Adrian felt a weight lift. He turned towards Karen, who’d resumed her pacing.

  ‘Karen? Don’t you want me to be happy now?’

  Karen glared at her father.

  ‘Of course I want you to be happy. It’s just I don’t know how I could bear to see you with the woman who came between you and Mum.’

  ‘But she didn’t, Karen. Our marriage was over before I met Hélène. And because I couldn’t be with her properly, she felt she had no choice but to give up her baby. You, as a mother yourself, must know how painful that must have been.’

  Karen’s eyes widened. ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ she said, biting her lip.

  Adrian moved forward and reached out towards her. After a moment’s hesitation she moved into his arms, resting her head on his shoulders. ‘Sorry, Dad, it was such a shock…’

  ‘I know. But I don’t want us to fall out over it. I need to do what feels right for me now. And I want to make it up to Hélène and Nicole.’ He stepped back and looked from Karen to Michael. ‘I’d really like for everyone to meet sometime. You don’t have to be friends if you don’t want to. But it would mean a lot to me if you’d at least see them. Particularly Nicole as she has no other siblings.’

  There was silence. Michael spoke first. ‘It’s okay with me, Dad. Whenever.’ He smiled at Adrian.

  ‘Karen?’

  She looked up, her face still blotchy. Crying didn’t suit her sallow skin. ‘Okay. I’ll meet them but I can’t promise to like them.’ Her tone still defiant.

  Adrian smiled and reached out for a group hug.

  ‘That’s all I ask. I promise.’

  chapter 24

  The next few days meandered on their way. The only time Nicole saw Ben w
as when he dropped in to see Eve and joined them in the ritual of tea and cake. Eve’s health seemed to slowly improve but Nicole sensed that no-one thought it would last unless she agreed to the operation.

  From Nicole’s point of view, a bright spot was the improving relationship between Hélène and Adrian. They went out for walks and met for coffee before, finally, Adrian had asked her if she’d have dinner with him. When Hélène told her about the invitation, Nicole saw how happy she was. It looked as though she’d begun to let go her anger and enjoy what she’d once lost.

  The morning after the dinner date, Nicole found Hélène in the kitchen, nibbling toast.

  ‘So, how did it go last night?’

  ‘Very well, thanks. We went to a lovely Italian restaurant in Town. The food was really good and – ’

  ‘And the company?’ Nicole grinned.

  ‘Was good too!’ She blushed, taking a bite of toast.

  ‘Any chance that Adrian could go with you to France? It would give you time to get to know each other again.’

  ‘Funny you should say that. We…we did discuss it last night. And he might come too.’ The blush grew deeper.

  ‘Brilliant! That would please Grandmother.’

  ‘Do you think so? Why?’ Hélène looked puzzled.

  ‘You can see she wants you two to get together, wants Adrian to make “an honest woman of you”, remember. And she did suggest you might go with a friend. I’m sure she meant Adrian.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Nicole left her to think about it while she got her beach gear together. She spent a lot of her time exploring the island and relaxing on the beach. When she wasn’t needed to granny-sit, that is. As she stretched out at Vazon later, she found herself thinking about her family. She was becoming very fond of Eve and Hélène and tried to work out how much she took after them. Initially, she hadn’t wanted to be like her mother, seeing her as a bitter, lonely woman. But now, as her romance blossomed, she was becoming the woman she must once have been. Warm and loving. And Nicole had admired her intelligence and sense of independence. Something she shared with Eve, who was perhaps too independent, Nicole thought, grinning. And then there was Adrian. Did she share any of his traits? Tricky call. He was more buttoned up, not so easy to get to know. But he had been ambitious. Something she did share. Her own ambition had not brought her joy, so perhaps she needed to rein it back. But being unemployed as she was, ambition didn’t figure in her life at present. Her thoughts made her think about Mary and Ian and feelings of guilt prompted her to phone them. It had been a few days…